Emotions are with us all the time. To be alive means to feel. They are like instruments in an orchestra, moving with the music of life. Sometimes, they are louder; sometimes, they sit still and let others play. Yet, we need all the instruments for the melody to come to life.
Just as we need all the emotions to feel alive.
For example, fear keeps us safe when crossing a street. Having a certain amount of fear from cars is healthy. It keeps us alive.
But when you are in your home, resting on your sofa, scrolling through Instagram, and fear makes you feel like you should be hustling like the rest because otherwise, you’ll “miss out,” that is when fear needs to turn it down. Take a rest and let another instrument play. Joy comes to mind.
I have one emotion right now that thinks she’s playing solo and running the show. I will get to her in a minute. But her constant presence in my life made me curious about what to do when an unwanted emotion keeps playing—and, in my experience, even gets louder each day.
All emotions are part of the human experience. I wish I could tell you I learned to embrace them all. But the truth is, I still find it hard to accept fear or anger when I want to feel joyful.
I did some research on “emotions” to better understand what’s going on in my life right now.
What do we know about emotions?
It depends on what research you want to follow, but many agree that we have five primary emotions. Primary emotions are how we react to events and situations. They are instinctive and come naturally.
The five primary emotions:
Joy (Happiness)
Fear
Anger
Sadness
Surprise
Psychologist Robert Plutchik even says that there are eight primary emotions. He pairs them in opposites:
joy – sadness
anger – fear
trust – distrust
surprise – anticipation
Simple enough, right? Now, the trickier but important part is that we also have secondary emotions.
Secondary emotions are our reactions to how we feel. In other words, they are reactions to our primary emotions. Secondary emotions are emotions of habits and patterns. They are the emotional reactions we teach ourselves depending on past experiences. If the emotion is complex and stays with us for a long time, it’s almost always secondary.
Here is an emotion wheel that I found and liked from lifebulb.com
From what I understand, it helps to name your emotions. For example, I feel worried right now—a lot of worry.
Worry is a secondary emotion of fear.
Now I can ask myself, What am I afraid of? Or why am I feeling scared?
Once I’m clear on that, I can ask myself, What do I need right now to feel safe? What can I do about it? What can I change?
My own experience to get out of worrying
This week, I sat at the kitchen table in my parents’ home and talked to my mum. My worry was at an all-time high. I told her, ‘I don’t know how to turn it down. I don’t know how not to FEEL this emotion.’ And if I was being honest, the more I tried not to feel it, the more I felt it. My worry became unbearable, and I knew I wanted to do something about it.
So, the following day, I did what I always do. I wrote a letter from unconditional love. Love said to me:
My angel, for some reason, you like to worry when you’re in your human body. Worry about things you have no control over. Worry about situations you already know the answers to.
Worry really is fear, and fear is trying to protect you. That’s why I like to call it a ‘protective part’. And he wants to keep you safe. Remember when you gave your emotions figures? Let’s reconnect to that. Fear was this tiny, hunched-over black figure resembling a mole. He’s quite cute, isn’t he? 🙂
Maybe it’s time for you to take him to the side.
Sit down with him.
Talk to him.
Hold him.
Let him know that you see him and you honour all the work he’s doing.
You’re embarking on something new, and he’s trying to protect you.
Take fear by the hand. Show him the new land you are excited to discover. Let fear in, let him be part of the journey and the uncovering of this new life, and see what happens then.
Worry or fear is part of you, yet it does not define you. Nor does it have the last word. It simply wants to feel included. If you ignore it, it will get louder and throw a tantrum like a child until it gets your attention.
Now that you gave him your attention, turn him towards me and let me in. I will show you how to love all of your emotions.
After the letter, I sat in meditation and connected with fear. We sat together in the grass, gazing into the distance: trees, water and open fields spreading before us. I talked to the little figure and listened to everything he had to say. I let him in and gave him the time and attention he craved. Then, I took him by the hand and walked into what resembled an open field. In my meditation, I knew this represented the new reality I was creating for myself. Suddenly, we were surrounded by all the other emotions. Curiosity was showing us flowers, pointing at trees and asking wonderful questions. Joy was doing cartwheels in the grass. Hope was showing us where and how to build the future. And fear was steady on my hand.
With time, I could feel fear melting into something softer, more tangible. When I got out of the meditation, my worry was gone. I’m sharing this because I am amazed by how mindful techniques can help us return to a healthy mind.
Afterthought on emotions
Maybe that’s what our emotions need: attention and care. Instead of ignoring them, we need to sit down with them. Talk to them, and let them know how much we appreciate them for being on this journey through life with us. In the end, for the conductor to keep the orchestra going, we need all the instruments.
Questions we can ask ourselves when exploring our emotions:
What emotion am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this emotion? What is the cause of it?
What is something I can do right now to feel better? What do I choose to do about it?
My fellow empaths, I know it can be a lot. Those feelings and emotions. But how beautiful you are. How wonderful it is that your body can express itself this strongly. ❤️
With love,
Anja
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