One week ago, I arrived on a Farm in Grenzbach, Germany, with the plan to volunteer for three months. I exchanged my makeup brush for a pitchfork and have never been happier.
It didn’t start out like this, though…
When I arrived, I had my Cameron Diaz moment from The Holiday. My Guess Jacked was wrapped around my waist as I pulled my suitcase behind me and dragged it through the mud and grass. I thought, where have I landed?
My room was full of spiderwebs, dust, and dirt. It was cold and grey, and the kitchen was old and mismatched. I felt an immediate whole-body discomfort.
A woman called Stephany owns the farm. In addition to working with animals, she also runs courses about building a life you love.
One of the first things she shared with us at lunch was that freedom lies behind your discomfort.
In other words, we can stay where we are now, in the comfort of the place(s) we know well, keep doing the same things, or change it up and step into discomfort. Sit with it. Experience the sensations that come up and watch the magic unfold.
In my last few months in London, I kept repeating:
I can not stay in London doing the same things as before and expect my life to change. If I want a different reality, I have to do different things.
And boy, oh boy, did I change my reality.
I exchanged my studio flat with underfloor heating and hot water for a camper van on a farm with a once-a-week warm shower.
I exchanged solitude and one-person meals for communal cooking and dinners in good company.
I exchanged the London buzz for the countryside stillness.
The people I’m surrounded by have changed, too, which brings me to Rina. I named my new friend Rina because it means pure and love. And Rina is exactly that. She is the purest form of love I have ever seen in a human.
I thought I was an animal lover, and I am. However, my love for animals stops at insects. It always has. Somehow, my brain separated things I can touch, pet, and feed from the ones that fly around my face when I lift a fork to my mouth.
Not for Rina.
The other day, we sat outside for lunch. It was sunny and warm. A wasp kept circling around my head, plate and hand. As soon as it flew closer to my face, I dropped everything and yanked my hands in front of it to protect what I could only assume were my eyeballs. As if the wasp had nothing better to do with its day but to sting my eyes or cheeks.
Rina, on the other hand, said: “Ah, I wish the wasp would land on my hand so I can observe it.”
That same day we stood in the kitchen, and I watched a spider drop itself from the lamp above the table, hanging by a thread coming from its butt. I tried to be cool and calm about it and said: “Oh look at that, a spider has made its home here.” Thinking that for sure we’re gonna take it outside.
Rina ran towards it and said, “Woah, look at it! It’s so fascinating to watch them!”
For all I know, the spider is still there, making a nest in the lamp above our heads where we eat.
Rina both amazes and inspires me to look at insects differently.
Just because we have always done things one way doesn’t mean we must continue to do so.
Every second of every day is a moment for us to start fresh. Do different and new.
And so, as I sat in the grass yesterday, the goats chewing behind me in a calming rhythm, I observed a brown\ grey caterpillar.
I first looked at its skin with the green dots, its eyes, and its sticklike legs. Then I noticed its movements and changed my gaze to the leaf. I saw the hole from what it had already eaten and watched its (what I’m assuming) teeth move up and down. I was in awe of this little creature’s fragility.
Being in new surroundings, around new people and observing myself change is fascinating.
First, I was shocked by how different everything felt from my life in London. But of course, it’s different!
Isn’t that what I wanted? A complete shock to my system? A chance to get out of my old routine of being and thinking?
I love seeing myself change and feel how things that once were uncomfortable are now what makes this life so enjoyable.
For example, I now like that it’s normal for me to go to bed with two water bottles because my camper van is old and cold.
I now like that I only wear rain boots, even though I have never owned a pair before.
I now like that; to go to a cold toilet full of spider webs, dust, and a blocked sink, I have to walk through knee-high grass for three minutes, no matter the weather.
I now like that the kitchen where we cook and eat is shared with mice and that we can never leave anything open or out because otherwise, they eat it.
I now like that I’m always dirty and wear the same clothes five days in a row. There’s no point in changing clothes every day. The minute I step outside, I get wet and dirty anyway!
I now like that in the morning, all I have to do is splash my face with cold water and add a bit of moisturizer. Why bother with Makeup when you’re outside in the rain all day?
I now like not having to look or smell good to be loved and accepted. It’s been and still is healing to my soul to know that I can walk around with uncovered pimples on my chin, blushed cheeks and a moustache that is growing wild as I do not have a mirror or good light to tame it and still be welcomed and embraced with warm hugs.
It soothes a part of me that has made a career out of creating perfection in appearance because she feels she has to gain love and admiration by looking a certain way. As if we’re not already perfect as we are, fully naked, without anything else but the flesh and bones holding our heart and organs in place.
It doesn’t matter what we do or how we look. No, I realize that now, what matters is that we are happy and keep doing things that stretch our comfort zone because we will never know what magic lies behind them.
So, as we jokingly say here in Grenzbach, In London, I was the country girl living a city life. Here, I’m a city girl living a country life.
And I do not remember the last time I felt such unattached happiness, freedom, and joy towards the simplicity of life. I like my countryside experience and look forward to seeing what else it offers me.
For now, I’m sending you love wherever you are and hugging you tight,
Anja
